I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
