FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
