so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
