So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
