My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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