Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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