that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
