i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize