he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
