i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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