you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
