dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
