Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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