My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
