I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
