I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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