He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
