Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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