But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
