The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
