i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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