Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
