im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
