he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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