weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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