I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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