i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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