Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Small penises have feelings too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
