When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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