Yo dont text me then not text me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
