Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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