if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
