I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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