the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your penis caused this!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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