My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
