i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
