You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
