once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Panties = found
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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