Non-Jews are for practice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think my moral compass just broke
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
