You can't motorboat a personality
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This house was built for laser tag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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