he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
