instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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