i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
