He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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