Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
