The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
