How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
