Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
