I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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