Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
