Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
