"it" just moved
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The uberlube is also flammable
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
