??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
