OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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