Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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