Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
