Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
