My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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