I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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