were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
