Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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