He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
