Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
