Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
