fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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