I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
