"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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