When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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