Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
