we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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