The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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