I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
