the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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