just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
