it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
