I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it's great music for shaving your balls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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