I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
