I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
