guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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