I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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