Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
