brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
